i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
