Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
