I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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