that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
