she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
