I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
