I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
