i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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