Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
