Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
