How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
