we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
