never play flip cup with pint glasses
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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