Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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