I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it hurts more in the daytime
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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