Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's shark week go big or go home
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
