it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
