not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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