this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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