I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
