I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
