did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
