maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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