I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
