Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
