thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
