he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
