this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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