Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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