We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
