good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
