I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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