Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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