imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
