Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
