you guys were way drunker than both of me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
