Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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