um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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