I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
