oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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