I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
