I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
