had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
