i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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