There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
