My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
third nipple confirmed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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