Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize