He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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