Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
