Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
