She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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