My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
