Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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