i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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