She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
