u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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