...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
