You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
