I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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