There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
