Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
