im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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