Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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