i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
