I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
