Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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