I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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