This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
