I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
