i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
