oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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