who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I understand Curling. That high.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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