You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Operation Purity has been aborted
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
