Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
