I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
