Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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