Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
