I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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