talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
