You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
