My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Panties = found
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
