What a fucking waste of an outfit
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
