My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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