Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He shit in the fireplace
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
