So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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