i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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