Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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